What they don't tell you about relationships...
I know I know, it's been a while guys! I didn't go very far, I just graduated university with a first-class or whatever. It's the grace of God that saw me through! But I hope you all have been staying blessed.
I'm here to talk about a topic that both great and small individuals with a desire to love someone consider at some point in their life. Relationships! Relationships can be the trickiest thing for people when not dealt with correctly. It can either be a blessing in your life or a curse. The Bible shows many cases of relationships that have gone well and also the ones that have not gone well. We'll digest some of these cases shortly.
Relationships are good. Healthy marriages are great. We know the bible says two is better than one [Ecclesiastes 4:9] and that man shouldn't be alone [Genesis 2:18]. More marriages can indicate more unity in the body of Christ because how can two walk together if they do not agree [Amos 3:3]. Just know in such marriages that will make an impact on your Christian walk and even the kingdom of God, the devil is guaranteed to kill or destroy that partnership by all means. The reason why marriages are great is that you can access a different type of favour that is from the Lord when you find your Mrs [Proverbs 18:22], more ambassadors of Christ can be formed meaning the more to bruise the devils' heel [Genesis 3:15], etc. Enmity was put between the serpent and the woman because of the seed that she can bring forth continually and her ability to be a good help mate.
So yeah, the marriage you have is dependent on the relationship you begin for yourselves. If the relationship is bad, then so will the marriage and there's no way that will aid the kingdom of God. Relationships are all about learning one another and having understanding as fundamental because not every relationship is the same and also true love can be developed in any relationship with the right ingredients. That's why there isn't one specific person made for you. Sorry, some things that we have been taught or shown are lies. Essentially, "The one" doesn't exist, you find someone, and with time they become the one for you. Sometimes this may take a day for someone to figure out or it may take months for someone else to figure out. The bible says 'he that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing', so at first sight you acknowledge the wife in a female but that doesn't exactly mean she is or will be your wife, sometimes you can see your brother's or your friend's wife and acknowledge, 'yes this is a wife' but not for you. So now when you find a wife, as scripture says, there are now other steps you must take to get to know them and potentially grow together to find out that 'okay this is not just "a wife" but MY WIFE'. I know myself, I desire marriage but I had to ask myself am I a wife yet, in the eyes of other people, can two or more testify of this, do I love myself as God loves me, am I hidden enough in God to be found by the right guy, have I taken time to adorn myself and prepare myself for months like Esther did before meeting the King. She didn't just run when she found out he liked her, she said first I must be ready in myself, a Queen in myself before I can be a crown on a man's head [Proverbs 12:4]. No one wants to wear a crown that is still incomplete, dirty and lifeless. A crown has to be a crown whilst on someone's head but also before being on someone's head. If a crown is only a crown when on his head, then it is not God that made you royalty but the guy. Are you following? It is only God that should enthrone you and make you royalty (a royal priesthood) so that your identity and your value are not being formed by the man but ONLY from God. That relationship will fail if you solely depend on the man for identity and not God, the man himself will feel drained and you won't be happy. Same thing if your happiness stems from your partner and not God. If you're a lady, ask yourself am I a crown, would I be proud to be on the head of a man publicly, would you want your son to marry you...?
In other news, some relationships fail and sadly that's okay. There are some relationships that needed to fail to help uproot any bad character in you, to build your perspective on yourself, to even bring you closer to God in the case of some people, or even to provide you with more wisdom for your next relationship.
Romans 5:3-4 - And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Even in the failed relationships, never lose hope, be of good courage because God is right by your side. Cast all your cares on Him [1 Peter 5:7], no matter how silly you may feel going to God about the same thing because we serve a patient and understanding God. You are allowed to feel and express your pain to God but just don't remain in that place forever.
Psalm 147:3 - He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
And then there are some relationships or marriages that fail because you were not ready. Because not all failed relationships were meant to fail, as some of them God probably approved but human error broke it apart. Side note: Matthew 19:6 says "What God has joined together, let no man separate"... Who did you allow to separate the two of you, yourselves or outsiders?
It's harder to find God and find yourself whilst you're already in a relationship. First, seek God and then the understanding and confidence in yourself will grow because you've come to know Him that made you, then the rest shall follow [Matthew 6:33]. Like Adam, he first had a vision and it wasn't until he named the animals, tended the garden and kept it well that he noticed a missing piece and was ready to welcome her into life and vision. As a man without a vision plus a heart after God's own heart or a woman without identity, you are likely to make the person you're dating an idol, or even your partner may lead you to different idols and false gods themselves. Solomon was a man who loved many women, of which those women came from 'abomination tribes' I call them such as Edomites and Ammonites. Solomon clung to these in love :'(. 1 Kings 11:2 shows that God commanded the children of Israel never to intermarry with these people for they shall surely turn their hearts after their gods. And God was right of course, "when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God" [1 Kings 11:4]. When you marry a person, you marry their family and their ideologies too, be careful, because their ideologies will eventually rub off on you. A similar thing happened to Samson, the lady he loved guilt-tripped him into revealing where his strength lay, "then she lulled him to sleep on her knees and called for a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. Then she began to torment him, and his strength left him". Listen to this, "...But he did not know the Lord had departed from him" [Judges 16:19-20]. Poor Samson didn't know the Lord left him yet and that his girl was behind it. The truth is the moment she entered his life, the presence of God was slowly diminishing that's why when the Lord departed completely, he never truly noticed. She was subtracting from him and never multiplying. Your love is someone you can be vulnerable with, which is more the reason why God should be the centre. That is why when you enter a marriage, that foundation should be sturdy and true. It's difficult to hear from God about a person you are currently dating about whether or not they should be your wife or husband when you have already caught all sorts of feelings and emotions about them. However, it's definitely possible if you have faith like Abraham, 'The father of faith', who was able to hear God concerning the sacrifice of his beloved son. Some of us would think "Well I must've heard God wrong because this is my child, in which I also struggled to conceive, nooo this can't be God speaking". Just know, if you can't sacrifice your partner at the command of God, just know you are ultimately saying your own ways are higher than His ways. You are essentially placing that person/partner/spouse above God.
It is very possible to discern the voice of God about your relationship if you become a spirit being because you always walk in the spirit and not by sight, you are kingdom conscious and have wired your senses to the frequency of God.
Relationships and marriages are things you need preparing for and to learn about before just entering. Especially for women! The book of Titus, says "train the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children" [Titus 2:4]. It's emphasising that women, we need some sort of training before we get married. Solomon said "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases." I can just percieve the passion in his voice as he said this. It is the responsibility of the man to find his wife and love her, he is the one to initiate the first move, like when Jacob moved to Rachel and even Adam to Eve. Don't force love or passion, it should come at ease, unprovoked, you will avoid a lot of heart break with this mentality. Love must roam free, there should be liberty in it to allow it to reveal itself in its own time. Love is patient!
Men also need to learn how to love their wives and what it means to love her as Christ loved the church [Ephesians 5:25]. They also need to know the ways of their own woman because sometimes their logic can clash with the emotions of a woman sometimes, which can make communication harder.
God can tell either of you No in one season and then Yes in another season depending on the situation and the growth that person will have. Same way how God told Abraham to sacrifice his son then on his way to sacrificing God spoke again and said stop. Listen to what God is saying currently. That's why you hear stories of people breaking up but then a few months or years later, they get back together, like Mike Todd and his wife, because in some cases maturity was hindering the union. If the maturity didn't change, for example, the marriage would collapse. Maybe you awoke love before it pleased, before it was ready or even before you were truly ready.
If you are able to discern the voice of God before or during your relationship and you hear God saying "This won't work". Run away! In all honestly, there are times you can argue or reason with God depending on your relationship Him because He is a relational God that is able to give you the desires of your heart. God is a God of Yes and Amen's, He won't directly say No cause that's not love, He wants you to choose but He will always follow with reasons [Deuteronomy 30:19]. Signs may include confusion [1 Corinthians 14:33], the presence of sorrow [Proverbs 10:22], lack of peace [John 16:33], unequally being yoked [2 Corinthians 6:14], disagreements 24/7 [Amos 3:3, 2 Timothy 2:23-24], lack of pleasure/satisfaction [Proverbs 5:19], your heart is drifting away from God, you're not interested in the things of God, or no longer want to walk in your calling. He will always follow with reasons why, if unable to discern this, there are signs in the bible, including the ones I already highlighted just now. So watch out for signs. Also, signs that the relationship is God ordained isn't by the presence of one or two things mentioned above, and it's not also seen by the presence of always praying together or reading the bible together. This is a guidance but let God be true and every man a liar, search out what God is saying on relationship and let him reveal the fate of your relationship to you.
And lastly, don't believe in the fantasies shown about relationships from social media or movies. Most of these things will break your relationship and marriage. Just because the world approves of it doesn't mean it is of God.
"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"
- Proverbs 3:5
If you are single as you are reading this... I pray you heal from past relationships first, I pray you learn to trust somebody, I pray you know yourself love yourself and who God has made you and allow God to do His work in you and also I pray the right person steps into your life at the right time. To those in relationships, I pray you're both ready and fully equipped, I pray you have long-suffering for each other and I pray that God ordains your union that you may have a peaceful and beautiful marriage!
Thanks for reading if you made it this far! I hope these nuggets have helped you like it's helped me. Like and share this post to anyone you think may need it. Comment below or email me any thoughts, testimonies or even dilemmas and questions about relationships.
Many blessings, D.