top of page

Lukewarm Friendships

Updated: Dec 10, 2020

The day I call somebody a friend, is the day new dimensions in me open up. Letting you in on my ups and downs, including all the times when I get a breakthrough because if I'm winning, that means my friends are winning too. Those friendships where you guys don't have to talk everyday but when y'all do come together, it's like a day didn't even go by since you last spoke to each other.

Jonathan and David had a good friendship, they were BBF's, through thick and thin type friendship. The friendship that you would least expect to blossom because being friends with the son of the man that doesn't like you may not seem like a wise idea today. Jonathan loved David just as he loved his own soul (1 Samuel 18:1), the same way we ought to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. I had a friend that my mum didn't like, to which she had her external reasons but behind those reasons she was actually a good girl. She was the type of friend I would have so many jokes with, go library together, go shopping and help each other study. She was the type of person that would always aim to beat her friends best grade, which when I look back at it, I rate it more because when you're close to someone, you love them like you love yourself and that could also mean, you challenge them like you challenge youself too, to get those desirable grades. Yes, we'd argue here and there, we were actually like sisters, aruging then ignoring each other, then making up again because really and truly we knew that we were the only people that we could rely on for help. Hours spent on the phone comforting each other when going through some deep family issues and financially helping one another with our broke-teenaged-selves. We weren't really in the faith as strong back in the day but we would have our conversations about God here and there and thank God in times of breakthrough. Never allowed to do majority of the things our age-mates were doing, although we never really needed to as we already had want we needed. Just two girls enjoying their youth. That friendship taught me a lot and it balanced us out, shouting at each other when we would do something out of character and holding each other accountable. Uni separated us and our accountability partners departed too. But now that we each found God independently ourselves during uni, we're now able to have deeper and spirit lead conversations when we talk, if we do speak. So although my mum didn't like her, you'd think it'd be harder to remain friends and do sleepovers when they were not really accepted, but we moved like Jonathan and David and remained loyal and supported each other when we needed it the most.

I mentioned loving someone like you love yourself. It's important to love yourself, otherwise how will you love somebody else but also the way you love someone, is only a reflection of how you love yourself. Your expectations for yourself are low, so expect everyone else to be the same, shunning people that have made it past you. The pharisees and scribes made people follow the law that they themselves couldnt keep to, that's not love. John 8:37 Jesus said "I know that you are Abaraham's descendents but you seek to kill Me". This is telling me that there will be evidence that they are your friend/family but their intentions for you may still be ill-minded. Jesus went on to say to them, "you are of your father the devil", to which they were in denial of as they said they have one Father, God. Obviously Jesus' discernment is sharp to the T because it's Him that gives us that gift. But that ability is also in us. The gift of discernment in me is growing but is also strong enough to discern a true friend.

There are different types of friends that I wanna discuss, those lukewarm ones, the casual friends, the acquaintance and the intimate friends.

I've only got a few friends that I know each separately but we all play a specific role in each others lives. *Key note: Do the friends you have today add value to your life?*. I literally have two intimate friends and the other relatively casual friends. When I am around these people, it's nothing but pure vibes, deep convos, laughter (the type that reveals your whole dental structure) and tranquility on good days lol.

With me and my intimate friends, I know I can come to them on a deep level, telling them this is what I'm going and they say what I need to hear and not just what I want to hear. ALWAYS taking it back to scripture in every advice they give! 'Girl, I feel like God's been airing me these past couple days', *scripture*, 'I've been doing ABC and still not seeing result', *scripture*, ' I stole a cookie from greggs, should I feel bad?', *scripture*. LOL. I'm not trying to say it's every day spiritual with them when I hit them something but, when I come to them indivually, they are the type of people to check me and say 'this is not you Diana' or 'Diana, this what you need'. Types of friends that edify and they get the same from me, vice versa. My other intimate friend blesses me with prayer, intercession and a peace of mind. The scripture they exude casually, makes you see God from a different persperctive and love Him more.

We appreciate each other and the places we've come from, who it's made us and the revelation God has gifted us with, so when they need me I come through. Friendships are two ways. Its amazing how the person that was down can be the same person that can strengthen you.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed" (James 5:16), there is healing power in the prayers of a friend also. And the other important thing is that true love comes with correction. Proverbs 9:8 says when you correct or rebuke a wise person, they will love you more. If when your friend is correcting you from a good place and you feel anger or resentment towards them, it's not that person you should be questioning but yourself. I had to come to terms with this revelation when the Holy Spirit revealed this to me; if I don't love someone who corrects me, I'm not wise. My chest!

The other type of friend is the acquaintance, the one that you're only friends with because of the environment, for example work, school, events and maybe church too, but there is no bad blood. When y'all speak, it's only surface level and dependent on the environment you met them in. You guys rarely talk, but it's not like you hate each other. Personally, it's okay to not be 'friends friends' with everyone, some may just stay at work-friend or uni-friend level. Like they may not play a vital role in your life but when you guys talk about interesting things it's nice. Including the friend that only calls you when there's an event going on, those friends are still needed depending on the person. These ones are not the same as the lukewarm friends.

The lukewarm friends are sometimes for you then sometimes against you. I get what God was saying when he said this about the church, because I would much rather you either fully for me or fully against me. That's the only way to remove unecessary drama out of our lives and live peaceful. Ofc, life has it's ups and down and some Judas' are necessary for perseverance and character building. That's what allowed growth in my life when I had such a friend for a season because at times she would be happy for me and then she would publicly desminish me the next day, I lowkey felt betrayed. Through that 'friendship', a word I used to use lightly, I was led to Luke 17:1 and looked at it differently. You can't control the offence from coming but you can handle how it effects you. It made me look within myself, even when I had every right to be mad and upset, to see what God wanted to reveal about myself. Long story short, that friendship sank but it was still vital for that season I was in. The same with Juduas, who was only with Jesus for a season, after his work was done, so was their 'friendship' lets say (that inner court of God). Jesus and His friends were sharing some bread, then all of a sudden, Jesus gave Judas that look and said "that thing you're about to do, do quickly" (John 13:27) or the famous one people know, "one of you will betray Me" (John 13:21).

Understanding that, what's about to happen will happen but taking control of the outcome. On that topic, some friendships do have an expiration date and that's okay. Outgrowing friends happens and is necessary sometimes. Being loyal to some friendships that have already expired just because you can't see the mould yet, doesn't mean it's not mouldy. LOL. Lets be serious though, keeping some friends just because you've been friends since primary school can delay or make you miss your future blessing. Why do you think they always ask you to remove some items in your luggage during check-in? If you take all that weight, there's a chance the plane will get dragged down before reaching the destination. That's what causes you to delay getting into the plane as they're waiting for you to remove those excess items. So there can be delays in your life that can prevent outcome. It doesn't mean be rude and starting an argument just so you have a reason to cut them off. NO. We should persue peace with all people (Hebrews 12:14), including those that aren't your friends anymore and your enemies. Conclusion, girl lets just check our luggage!

Think about the children of Israel, for example, they were delaying their own blessing of the promise land because they were still carrying Eygpt on their heads. Constantly, saying we should go back to Eygpt, we shouldn't have left, there was plenty more things ("milk and honey") back there. Until that mindset was uprooted, that's when God was able to fufill His word. They experienced many miracles and blessings in Eypgt, amongst other things, but they needed to move onto bigger and better. Including, Rachel taking her fathers idols delaying her from leaving with her husband because Laban had to do a sercurity search on them (Genesis 31:19). The fact that she kept hold of her baggage affected her future already...

Thanks for reading guys! Feel free to add some comments, ask questions, lets dicuss!

Many blessings, D.

364 views2 comments

Recent Posts

See All


I loved this! Especially relating to lukewarm friendships. I also completely agree with the Lord concerning this. I'd rather someone be for me or against me, not hot and cold! Beautifully written.

Feb 03, 2023
Replying to

Hundred percent! And Thank you so much!

bottom of page